Terrible Twos and Testing Threes..it's harder with deaf child than hearing one.

I have to admit it..it is really harder. I have been having a taste of it lately.  Whewww.  Cory is really either very stubborn or spoiled.  Not sure...   I really have to put my foot down and follow through what I mean and say.   He does not like it..he get into fits. Sometimes, push me, hit me, screamed at me with claws out or just plain stubborness.   We try to allow some leverages with him because we want him to be settled with us and be happy.  NOT totally change in things so he adjusted to.  AND I don't know if I shouldn't have let things go as they were or should have been more strict and have him get to used to our ways in the first place.  Its a different situation when there's adoption, it was just that we are trying to make him feel comfortable and at ease with our home.  It's a huge change for him.   Sean thought we should have been straight up from the get go like a band-aid effect, thinks that Cory has to learn our rules under our home.  And I, on the other hand, are more take my time, allow him room and experiences things slower.   But now, we are dealing with a lot of temper tantrums, and I'm like wheeeew.  (but before I go on..I noticed that Cory is more cooperative with Sean than me, tough love thing works? )    I don't know if its something he is not understand or do understand.  But I had to do a lot of role playing and show him that is not acceptable or not appropriated.  Repeat repeat...  Even it's a simple thing, he still get temper tantrums.  And I'm like ??  is that a behaviour thing or was it being "spoiled" or doesn't understand?   whewww..it's harder than I thought.  I know that with my daughter, it was easy to give her options and she gets it fast.  And she rarely had temper tantrums now that she can express how she feels through sign language at age 1, 2, 3.  It made a difference for babies to be able to communicate through sign language so they can feel at content.  I would thought it would be the same for Cory.   Not really..but firstmost, we have to remember he was delay in language by 2 years so ideally he is age 1 for us to understand where he is at.     Yesterday, it was bit of a rough day..he was so grumpy that I was like okkkkk..I need some air and sat outside on the steps and can hear him banging on the door/window at me.   I am dealing with lots of things lately..this just top it.   AND it doesn't help that Sean is working 24 hours a day this week as his partner is in Mexico.  We are unable to go this year because of Cory.   That was ok..we may miss a vacation but we gain a son!   They sent photos from Mexico to our blackberry..I was like..I don't want to see it.   LOL.
Today, we went ice skating..(my bad..I thought it was at 1030am but it was at 930am) so we were late and only went on for 20 minutes left.  oh well.   I have a lot on my mind these days, and I went home and checked the calendar.  I looked at the wrong day!!! and it was written "Ice Skating 10:30" but that is for my daughter's next week!!!!  Anyway, I was a little sad today because I tried to be helpful, but got bit of "heck" for something.   And basically, we skated on our own for awhile, but thanks to one family who helped bit to get Cory bit of ice time while I get my skates on.  (LOL, I had no idea that this father didn't know how to skate!  opps) I just literally dumped Cory on him.   But thank you from the bottom of my heart..for that little task.   and when it's time to go one family took their  time to say good bye to him whereas others just took off.  It was like...whoa..where are you going???  but they were gone.
Anyway, I'm not gonna talk about this right now.  Or I'll get upset all over again.  
So we had our little snack..and I bought chocolate layer Krispie Square.  And I told him half for me and half for you.  And showed it to him.  This is mine, this is yours. etc. I was going to eat it in the car on the way home.  So he seem to understand that and start munching happily with it.  And we walked to the truck and then he was finished with it.   And then I tell him, come on, get into the truck.  He started to get mad and asked for "more?"   I told him more what?   He sign "eat, more?" I say to him no ..we got to go home and then we'll have some lunch.  He of course, got into a fit and I was like???   (one thing that I know he knows and understands that I don't allow eating in the vehicle. It always has been my rule because one thing I can't hear kids choking on food while I focus on driving and I can't focus driving when I have to watch them eat.  So its a moot point and common sense on my part.  NO eating in the vehicle. Period.  plus Im a fricky when it comes to keeping it clean and eating is at the table. period.    Even at home or else where.  It's a good way to promote healthy happy eating at the table where communication is happening the most.  
Anyway, I had to grab him and put Cory in carseat.  He was so mad and screaming and tried to push my hands away...I just keep on trying to tell him that half is mine.  Yours is finished.  He wanted the Chocolate..wow he learned the word "Chocolate"..yay!  Not sure if he say it right with speech.  (too noise outside plus his screaming on top of it).  So I then told him, we will go home and have lunch.  Have some noodles and grapes and then cookie.   He said "chocolate, chocolate" over again.  I just ignored him and went on to get into the truck and headed for home.  HE then started to kick the seat and whacking his hand on the car door over and over.  I usually ignore this if its NOT in the car while I drive but it is not safe to drive when he is like this.     I had to pull over and  try not  to look  at him.   Finally, when he calm down, I finally look at him and say "you ready to go home? done being mad?"  He said "done"..good then he said "chocolate?"  I said no..that is mine.  I'm  tempted to finish and eat that piece just to show and prove a point that is mine.  I thought twice of it ..  would that be mean? or something I have to do so he understand?  oh boy.  I just hide it away. He saw that I put it away.  He got even more upset..great.  wow.  Ok. I just have to tune out on his behaviour and get home.
It took my strong will not to get angry because the ride home wasn't acceptable because he was screaming and kicking.  Normally, if this was my daughter.  I would pull over and walk over to get her side and calmly  to her face and say "if you don't stop this right now, when you get home, You will stay in your room until supper time.  This behaviour is not acceptable, I get that you're mad but what you are doing is endangering everyone's lives.   I need to focus on driving. Understand?"  she would and it's simple. 
When I got home..he was screaming and kicking.  So I went around to let him out. Try my best to ignore him and get into the house.  HE wouldn't let me take the seatbelt off and was kicking me.  I said ok fine and decide to go into the house and leave him there.  (with garage closed of course)   I am sitting by the door and listening to his screaming.  Im thinking..is this is gonna help him or this is tough love?    but only for few minutes,the minute he calm down, I went to him.   He said "sorry"  ahhh now we are getting somewhere.  
We then went into the house, I started on lunch and he then ask me for cookie. duhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh   Here we go again.   I said to him "what did I say, what are we having for lunch first?  "noodle, grapes and THEN cookie." I m standing there thinking he doesn't understand.?  its like master and dog.. master talk talk talk but dog only got one word out of it?  I did the evitable thing..I just stood there and say nothing, staring him down.   Then he said "noodle?"    so he does understand.  He is just use to having things his way.  
Oh it's so much fun with a toddler..I can say it's never dull around here these days.  LOL.  I had to laugh, vent, and cry.

1 comment:

  1. Well I can say I have two like that, one hearing and one not, lol. I do have to say thought that Jasmine has WAY more melt downs and I KNOW its from not being able to communicate at the age of almost three! I truly can't imagine how that must be for her! A normal child at age TWO can talk and communicate, so imagine what a child going on to be three feels like, ugh!